You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
