My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
