You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
