She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
