I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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