To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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