You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Watching her eat just hurts me
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
