we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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