I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
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