So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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