mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
