I look better un-naked...
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize