I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
