I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Randomize
