I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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