Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
