Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
