the condom got lost in my hair
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
