Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
