She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
