i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
