just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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