And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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