The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
