I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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