She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
