No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
