Too much gin, very little bucket
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
