highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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