I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
She announced her abortion via fbk
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I can't turn off my feet"
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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