a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
