sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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