i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
