this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
