omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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