My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize