you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
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