I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
