the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
