So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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