Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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