People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
false alarm, still single
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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