the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
