when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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