Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
