forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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