Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
