And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Two words: blizzard sex
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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