i was born a porn star she said
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
