My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Randomize
