Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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