Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
