there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
