Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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