i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
