Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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