So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
