I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
