2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
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