Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
