you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Randomize
