Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
