Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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