Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
