After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize